Why is it so hard to let go?

How do you move on from someone you loved

How do you move on from someone you lovedHow do you move on from someone you loved.How do you move on from someone you loved .When we stay stuck in the past by holding on to someone we

once loved, we hold ourselves back from achieving our goals and living the life we desire.

We cling to old memories or hold on to old text messages and physical items from our former partner.

The unfamiliarity of not having that person be a significant part of our mental reality can seem so difficult to

us, we choose to maintain the status quo of familiarity despite it being emotionally painful.

We fear the unfamiliar might cause more pain, but what if that’s not true?

Do you just want to keep feeling the same pain the rest of your life through staying attached, or give yourself a

chance to potentially no longer feel it by letting go?.How do you move on from someone you loved

Beyond that, to be frank, it’s just tough. In the NPR article, Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, But Science Can Help,

they note a study that found brains of people who were heartbroken are similar to those who experience a withdrawal.

But as it hard it is now, it does get easier. Time passes and memories become distant. You’ll no longer feel as much pain as you did before.

The same article notes a study that found most people overestimate how long it’ll take to get over their breakup.

One day, you’ll realize you’ve moved on, and you’ll be proud at how strong you’ve become.

How do you move on from someone you loved

Choose to not be afraid of finding another love to hold on to again. Choose to believe that you can move on to a better relationship that’s more loving than you ever could have imagined.

Here are 20 tips that will help you start moving forward in life and become happy again.

1. Cut off contact with your ex

In a Psychology Today article on moving from an ex, Dr. Jennice Vilhauer’s number one advice for moving on from an ex you loved is cutting off contact.

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She believes this is important in order for you to heal from the pain of the loss. Once you’ve healed, then you can try to have a friendship if you desire.

Until then, choose not to talk to that person as often. That means no texting, phone calls, social media contact, or meet ups.

If you run in a lot of the same circles, it’ll probably be harder. In those situations, just be cordial, but don’t engage in more interaction than necessary.

Distancing yourself helps you adjust to not being close to that person anymore. You’ll feel more used to your new normal.

Be more intentional about creating the distance and it’ll be a lot easier to not think about them as much. As the old saying goes, “Out of sight, out of mind.”

2. Let the fantasy go

Another excellent suggestion Dr. Vilhauer recommends is letting go of any fantasy you have about what could have been.

Dr. Vilhauer suggests in the moments you find yourself drifting towards the good times, remind yourself of the painful memories.

This will guide your mind back to the truth of what your relationship was in totality, accepting the real flaws that existed which couldn’t allow for things to work.

3. Let go by learning the lessons

When you choose to start figuring out what relationship issues led to you and your partner breaking up, you’re helping yourself begin to move on.

You’re starting to think of that person more as someone from your past and less as someone that’s still a part of your present.

Here are some examples of lessons:

  • “I need to communicate issues sooner rather than later.”
  • “In the future, my partner needs to have qualities such as ________.”
  • “I have to be better at calmly expressing my emotions.”

It can also make you feel good to recognize things you can do better in the future for your next relationship. When you’re with somebody again, consider using these relationship goals for couples to keep it strong.

4. Change the story in your mind

open book with flowers

Much of your reality is shaped by your perception. If you think something is true about yourself, your actions will tend to go down a pathway that makes that true.

It seems like a pretty obvious and basic thing, but so many of us don’t attempt to take any control of the mindset we have about our reality.

By having the right story in your mind that even though letting go will be tough, you’ll find a way to get through it, you’ll be more likely to look for and find choices you can make that will help.

Because that’s the narrative you’re focused on being your reality in life.

5. Feel sad, mad, or whatever feeling you feel.

It’s okay to feel sad or mad about the end of a relationship. I may have mentioned this in a previous article, but studies have found it’s good for us to cry.

You can read more about the benefits of crying. The basic idea is that tears contain chemicals that cause us stress. When you cry, you release that stress inside.

I let myself be sad for a while after I lost my first love. Maybe got a little mad sometimes too. I wrote songs about my sadness and just embraced my mood.

Don’t try to pretend you’re okay. Be honest. Allow yourself to feel the full grief you feel.

6. Do what will help you let go

girl meditating

There was research done on mending a broken heart that found just doing something you think will help you feel better can lessen your pain.

7. Think about that person’s bad habits

There were three strategies in a study about recovering from a breakup that were found to be helpful in decreasing one’s focus and emotional response towards their ex

The first strategy involved regularly thinking of their former lover’s bad habits. The research concluded it decreased the feelings of love towards the ex in the long-term.

But be mindful that the study also concluded people who used this strategy had a lower mood in the short-term.

8. Accept your feelings of love

The second strategy in the study involved accepting their remaining feelings of love as normal and not judging themselves.

The way participants did this was reading statements such as, “It’s ok to love someone that I’m no longer with,”, and believing it.

While this strategy didn’t decrease feelings of love or change mood, it decreased the emotional response to one’s ex.

9. Talk to someone about letting go

Talking to someone you trust can help a lot. Hearing another perspective can make things more clear. Best of all, you get to let out those emotions

Keeping them bottled in doesn’t do you any good. Saying what you feel can release your emotional burden.

Be careful not to turn your talking into a pity party though. Some people just keep talking things out to get sympathy. You don’t want to be that person.

You want to talk things out, and then look for ways to move forward. Listen to the advice you’re given. See if you can use it to help you let go.

10. Let go by avoiding social media

phone with instagram open

There’s no need to see constant a reminder of your ex. I had my first love in college. We changed our relationship status on Facebook to “in a relationship.”

We kept being friends on there too. I’d still see her status updates, new pictures, and whatever else she posted.

One day I wrote one of those passive-aggressive status updates. The ones where people know you’re talking about someone, but you’re not saying who.

She confronted me about it, and needless to say, it didn’t make things easier.

Moral of the story, stay off social media. If you’re going to be on there, at least hide your ex’s status updates.

Give yourself a chance to not think about that person you’re letting go of. This leads to my next point.

Related: Social Media Minimalism – Tips on How to Use It

11. Take care of yourself

It’s hard to take care of yourself when you have emotional pain. You don’t feel like doing anything. But not

taking care of yourself makes letting go more difficult.

Getting sunlight is one example. Research has shown it can help to boost our mood. Being in nature is another

example. Studies have found it can reduce anxious feelings.

There are loads of other choices that influence emotions. You just have to know what those choices are and do them.

You may not feel completely happy, but it can make you less sad. That’s the deeper goal of letting go of someone.

Getting to a point where you no longer feel sad about the situation.

12. Be active

Always thinking about the person you’re letting go of keeps you holding on. You need to do things to get your mind off of that person.

Being active will help you. Hang out with your friends and have a good time. Go to the park and have a nice walk.

Find something to do with your time instead of just sitting around. You still have a life to live even without your partner.

Just sitting around all the time will only leave you stuck in your emotions. Be selfless and volunteer in the

community. Helping others might make you feel better.

13. Visualize yourself having moved on

Imagine yourself moving further and further away from that person and seeing your vision of them get so small, they turn into a small dot.

Imagine the dot getting smaller and smaller until it finally vanishes. Another visual exercise you can try is think of the word “love” and think of the person side by side.

Then, imagine the word love and that person you loved getting further and further apart. Lastly, try imagining yourself happy and single.

These mental images you put in your mind may help you feel more like you’re over your ex.

Related: How to Make a Vision Board That Works For You

14. Accept it

At some point, you just have to accept someone is gone. Accepting that means not thinking about getting back together.

It means being okay with moving on from that person. Maybe you can write a goodbye letter to your relationship.

It sounds cheesy, but it could help. Write out all your thoughts about the ending of your relationship. Reflect on the good times. Express gratitude for the relationship.

When you’re done, get rid of the letter in some way. You could attach it to a balloon and let the letter float away.

It can be a symbolic act of letting go of the person you loved.

Unfortunately, it does take time to let go. There’s not much you can do to make it go away overnight. It probably took me a couple of months to let go of my first love.

For other people, it can take longer. Just know that the pain can eventually heal in time. How quickly you heal will depend on the actions you take.

16. Distract yourself

The last strategy, distraction, involved thinking about positive things that were unrelated to their ex.

That could include your favorite food, movie, or some other thing that makes you feel positive.

This approach is thought to have helped disrupt the persistent thoughts directed towards one’s ex, an thus lowered the emotional response.

It also made the participants feel more pleasant as well.

17. Believe you’ll find someone new

Every situation I had to let go of a person, I always knew I’d find someone new. It’s something I’ve learned over time and experience.

There are billions of people in this world. Thousands of them probably in your area. There’s a good chance someone you might really love is out there.

Be positive about finding someone to love again. Believe in yourself enough to be the kind of person that someone lucky person will get to love and be loved by.

18. Meet new people and try new things

people talking

Give yourself a chance to find someone by meeting new people. Find a club in the community related to your interests.

Go out to events where you can mingle with people. If nothing else, you can at least gain some new friends in life.

Those friends might even know someone who could be interested in you. Be adventurous and do things you’ve never done, because you never know who you might run into.

19. Engage in your passions

With more time to yourself, you can focus more on your passions. I turned to my music after losing my first love.

In that time, I wrote a lot of songs that I’m still proud of. Take your passions to the next level. Go further with them than you have before.How do you move on from someone you loved

You never know if it might lead to a career.

20. Think and speak positive affirmations

Think of some positive affirmations you can think in your mind and speak out loud to yourself consistently. Here are some examples you could maybe use:

  • I can be a happier person without my partner.
  • I can find someone who loves and appreciates me the way I deserve.
  • My life can get better in time.

Think of some positive words that fit with your situation to help you get in a mindset of moving forward.

21. Live life to the fullest

Decide that you’re going to live out your life in a way that’s more exciting and thrilling than ever before. Get back to having fun again.

Choose to make this the time you become the best person you’ve ever been. Start living your life to the fullest and you’ll feel happier and more over your ex.

It’s not easy to move on after heartbreak, but it is possible. Give yourself a chance to be happy again.

I can tell you from my own personal experience that you can find someone to love again, and your life can be better than it was before.

Related: 40 Ways To Live Life To The Fullest

22. Be with your loved ones

While you’ll of course want time to yourself during this time, it’s also important to spend time with your loved ones.

One of the best things friends or family can do is get our minds off of that person we lost. Let them take you out for a good time somewhere.

Allow yourself to have some fun for a day. It’ll remind you that you can be happy with or without somebody special in your life.

23. Practice journaling

Writing your feelings out daily can be a good way to process your emotions and help you heal. Journals can also be used for self-care and goal-setting, which both can help you move forward in life.

Here are two articles on journalism you might find helpful,How do you move on from someone you loved

Benefits of letting go

There are many benefits that can be gained from choosing to no longer be hung up over your ex. Here are a few of them.How do you move on from someone you loved

1. Renewed motivation in life

From what I’ve seen of other people’s experiences, we usually tend to feel a renewed sense of motivation in life once we get over someone.

There’s a greater desire to be successful at specific dreams and goals that existed before the relationship.

We choose to re-discover ourselves again and really become more of who we really are.

2. More clarity on what you want in life

The end of a relationship usually reveals to you what you don’t want in the future.

That makes it more clear what matters to you and what you really want to have in life.How do you move on from someone you loved

3. A chance for greater love

You may feel bad now about losing the person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with now, but once you’re over that person, you have a chance for greater love.

Knowing what you want in a future relationship will make it more likely you’ll end up with someone who meets those desires your ex couldn’t.How do you move on from someone you loved

As a result, the love you have in that new relationship will be even better than your old one.

My story of letting someone go

During my college years, I was in a long-term relationship that lasted almost two years. It was my first serious one and we grew to feel love for each other.

But as the case usually is with most relationships in college, it eventually came to an end. She broke up with me and I was single for the first time in a while.

At first I felt fine, but inevitably the emotions of sadness and anger came up. It took me maybe a month before I decided I was ready to move on.

But after I did, I was able to focus on improving myself. I worked out more, I met new people, and I grew to be more of the person I admire today.How do you move on from someone you loved.

I had fun talking to new women and discovering new things I liked in a woman that I never experienced with my ex.How do you move on from someone you loved

Eventually, I met my current partner whom I’m with now, and things are better than ever.

Final thoughts on moving forward

Experience has taught me that someone new can always come to your life. You just have to get out there to be fonud or go look for them.How do you move on from someone you loved

But only when you’re ready. If the pain from the end is still fresh and raw, it’s okay to give yourself some time to heal.

Remember that break-ups aren’t the end of the world. It’s just the beginning of a new reality, and it’s possible that new reality can be a happier one than you’ve ever experienced before.

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