make a divorce happen You see, there are a lot of reasons why people get divorced. Some studies cite communication
issues, growing apart over time or domestic or substance abuse as primary reasons.
Rankings will vary from study to study, but one of the most common causes of divorce always centers around money
issues. Money issues can make married couples crazy because money touches so many parts of all people’s lives.
No matter how much money you have (or not), there’s always the issue of money as a primary connector in marriage.
That means it’s also a primary flashpoint for arguments and in many cases, a motivating factor in divorce.
Money issues can wreck a marriage in so many different ways.
Spouses who are reckless with credit cards can run up large debts without the knowledge of their spouse. One spouse
One spouse wants a new car every two years while the other is happy to drive any vehicle that is already paid off.
Money can be especially important to the degree that you don’t have it. When one spouse or the other loses a job or
significant unexpected financial setbacks take place (think job loss, health crises, etc.), it can cause a big squeeze on
family finances that may last for months or even years.
Money issues cause stress. Stress chokes off communication. A lack of communication leads to breakdowns in trust. And the result is often divorce.
Money issues are tough, but the best way to resolve them is to create a budget and long-term goals and stick to them.
Make a concerted effort to keep the lines of communication open regarding financial interests, especially during challenging times.
You probably won’t completely avoid disagreements about finances in the course of your marriage. But just like all
Common Reason for Divorce #2: LACK OF INTIMACY
Over time, marriages become less about physical contact and more about a transition to a deeper and more spiritual
kind of love. That’s normal. Sex is still an essential part of every marriage at every step of the way, but intimacy is also much more than just sex.
Newsweek magazine estimates that 15 to 20 percent of couples are in a sexless relationship. Studies show that 10% or
less of the married population below 50 have not had sex in the past year. Also, less than 20% report having sex a few
times per year, or even monthly, under age 40.
However, it doesn’t mean that intimacy should disappear from marriage even when the physical side becomes less
frequent. There are other ways to be intimate with your spouse. You can show affection through small acts like daily
kisses on the cheek, hugs, and holding hands, backrubs, and foot rubs, or even phone calls to say “I love you” from time to time.
Intimacy involves paying attention to your spouse. It’s the sign of a healthy marriage to ask about the type of day
Extramarital affairs are a pretty obvious reason why people get divorced. But surprisingly, a large number of married couples have dealt with infidelity issues and found a way to stay together.
That doesn’t mean you should roll the dice if you’re considering venturing outside the marriage.
The reality is infidelity fundamentally changes your marriage. It erodes trust and leads to a breakdown in communication.
Sooner or later, infidelity usually catches up with you which is why it is one of the leading causes of divorce.
Even if your marriage does survive, it will be fundamentally changed forever. You will end up admitting to being a cheater, or you’ll end up carrying around a fair amount of guilt (assuming you have a conscience) for years.
People cheat for different reasons. Passion fades over time. The thrill with your spouse is gone, but the desire for thrills remains.
If there is a pattern of domestic abuse in a marriage, that’s certainly a valid reason to walk away from your marriage.
Many people think that abuse is only physical, but emotional and financial abuse are also quite common. Yelling, neglect, constant displays of anger, withholding money, vulgar comments, and other negative displays can be just as damaging.
Abuse is not just directed at a spouse, either. Children, grandparents, brothers and sisters, friends, or other people who live in the same home for any reason can be targets of abuse as well. Threats to their wellbeing are just as concerning as any threats to a spouse.
In some cases, a marriage may just be going through a rough patch (as many marriages do), and any abuse may be out of character. Counseling, in this case, might be appropriate with the goal of repairing a marriage.
In some cases, domestic violence may be coupled with external issues such as substance abuse, the loss of a job, or the death of a close friend or family member. In these cases, a person may be emotionally wounded and can be helped to heal over time.
However, in cases where abuse is physical and ongoing, especially when children are involved, being together can be dangerous. Getting away should be an immediate priority.
When you got married, you were sure your spouse was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Everything clicked.
Anything that bothered you was minor, and you shrugged it off because you were deeply in love. You overlooked faults, differences of opinions, and interests. Those were all things you could “work on” together after you said, “I do.”
But even if your marriage started in total bliss and synchronicity, time always changes things.
People grow up. You both take on new challenges. Habits and interests change. Your careers move forward. You become parents. Perhaps you both modify your political and religious views. Local and world events impact your way of thinking. Tragedies affect you. Your circle of friends breaks up. New people enter your life, and you like them, but your spouse may not.
Change is inevitable. Change is necessary. And in many cases, change is healthy. Like it or not, if you have been married for any amount of time, the person you are now is not the person you were back then. The same goes for your spouse.
If you’ve ever gone from “We can do whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me as long as I’m with you,” to “How come you always get to choose where we go and what we do?” then you understand what a lack of compatibility looks like.
Growing apart in your marriage due to changes in you or your spouse’s physical appearance may sound shallow, superficial, and unfair. But it is a real reason why marriages end.
Men and women want attractive spouses, and when one or the other gains a significant amount of weight, it can be a real turn-off.
Conversely, when one spouse loses a lot of weight, it can also have dramatic changes in a relationship. A spouse can become more attractive to others, perhaps for the first time in their lives.
These changes in physical appearance can impact your level of intimacy, self-esteem, and many other parts of your life, including your health. That can also create a separate set of challenges for a marriage, as well.
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When you think of addictions, you probably think of drug or alcohol abuse.
But addictions come in many forms. All of them can threaten the very survival of a couple staying together.
When couples grow apart, they may turn to other addictions such as gambling, pornography, uncontrollable spending, or infidelity. An addiction can take control of a spouse’s life and put them in danger of losing their jobs, friends, and marriage.
When addiction is present in a marriage, it will cause a spouse to lie, cheat, steal, or otherwise betray the foundational trust that a marriage is built upon. It’s no wonder that addiction is one of the most common causes of divorce.
With treatment, many addictions can be addressed. But it requires focus and commitment if a person is serious about saving their marriage and their family relationships.
If you’re stuggling with addiction, don’t be afraid to get professional help to overcome these types of challenges.
Top Reason for Divorce #8: GETTING MARRIED AT AN EARLY AGE
One big reason couples cite for getting a divorce is not being fully prepared for what marriage is all about.
Divorce rates are highest for couples who are in their 20s, and almost half of all divorces take place within the first ten years of marriage.
Marrying too young can cause divorce for many reasons…
Couples who get married at an early age are more likely to face more money issues because their careers are not
established yet. In some cases, they have not matured and do not understand how to communicate effectively.
Without experience to guide them, a lack of maturity will often overtake a calmer approach to marital problems.
Young marriage problems can be further aggravated when a couple decides to have children at an early age as well.
The amount of energy, effort, and financial resources required to engage in parenting can challenge a couple at any
age. But when parents are still children themselves in some ways, the burdens of being a parent are overwhelming.
Getting married later in life means you have experienced more of what life is about. You tend to draw on more
experiences and have a better understanding of how to deal with hardship.
Top Reason for Divorce #9: GETTING MARRIED FOR THE WRONG REASONS
Some people who get married have unreasonable expectations about what marriage should be about, and they wind
up bitterly disappointed when the fairy tale does not match up with reality.
Living “happily ever after” requires constant work. But there is a difference between putting in the work and putting on
the pressure with your spouse to make your marriage all that it can be. If there is a constant tension between you,
sooner or later, cracks in your relationship will appear, and your marriage will be on the rocks before you know it.
All marriages have ups and downs, but there should also be a natural flow and order to your relationship as well. You
should be able to feel and see that flow during the courtship process; otherwise you could be getting married for the wrong reasons.
You may be blinded by the other person’s imperfections. You could be taken by how attractive they are, overlooking
other character flaws. They may have a drinking or drug problem, and you may want to marry them to save them. Occasionally those reasons work out, but most just on the Hallmark channel…not in real life.
If you wake up a few years down the road and realize you’ve gotten married for the wrong reasons, it may be time to
cut your losses and move on. Nobody should actively advocate for divorce, but there are times when divorce is best for both people.
Common Reason for Divorce #10: LACK OF COMMUNICATION
When you are no longer able to communicate with your spouse constructively, your marriage may be in deep trouble.
Communication can be an early casualty when you get so wrapped up in all the layers of your life. Kids, your job,
activities, family relations, your mental health, your standing in the community, and more can suck the time out of your
day and the life out of your relationship with your spouse.
Sometimes, you go on autopilot and make assumptions when it comes to communication. That’s just as dangerous.
You are setting yourself for a ton of resentment, frustration, anger, and more that will spill over into all parts of your married life.
It sounds silly, but at times, you need to give yourself a timeout. You need to spend some time thinking about your
priorities and what shape your relationship is in. Then, you must be able to set boundaries when you communicate,
keeping things civil even when thorny issues come up.
Picking and choosing the right time is critical too